i hate temptation. its one of the most wonderful things on earth. think about it...its the one thing thats everywhere. and i used to be so numb to it. i used to look away when it came near. now i find myself completely confused looking towards it as if its a religion.

is it possibly because i have turned away from God? am i not as strong?

i feel like my faith is still slipping. sure there are ups, but those downs are deeper than valleys of a mountain. i want to feel that sense of relief when i pray again, instead of fear. i want to want to go to church. i want to want to read my bible. everything just seems as if its more important and i hate that.

i dont want to be the person im becoming. i dont want mikey and i to possibly break up and become a whore. i dont want to sleep around. i want to stay with mikey.

i want to feel like my mom and rest of my family still love me even though i made that mistake. i dont want them to hate mikey.

i want to feel like what im doing is right in God's eyes.

maybe this is just going no where. maybe ive already lost it. im so scared. i guess that probably means something right?

i love God with all of my heart. i know he'll always be there for me. but sometimes, temptations are so inviting. i know theyre wrong, but im so willing to do them. i hate that about myself.

well i need to go. wake up mikey. get ready for church.