i truely hate human nature. everything about it. the feelings we feel. the actions we take. it sucks. ok so there are some feelings that are absolutely completely wonderful, like feeling loved. but others such as envy, hate, or greed are awful beyond believe. and then theres passion. what exactly is passion?
you can have passion for so many things its ridiculous, and half the stuff isn't even right to have passion for. people get so involved in drugs and alcohol, in friends, in partying, in sex, that they don't even know what they want out of life. they begin to hate it. i do believe in God, and i believe he put us on this earth to love each other and to learn from other people and about the world he put us on, but its a bit much when we start slowly killing ourselves and others with toxins and hatred and envy and greed and every other negative feeling. one of the most clear discussions ive ever had about the human emotions was in english class about love and hate. and that love is not the opposite of hate or vise versa, the opposite of both of them is being uninterested. and i wish i could just be uninterested in a few people, instead of getting so involved in their lives that i can't think straight in my own. im scared for my future. i do have faith that ill go onto better things, and i do believe i can strive to be a successful person, but i need to put 3/4s of myself into that. into God, school, and school. the other 1/4 is for my friends and family and mikey. i do plan on going onto ohio northern and continue dating mikey until i graduate and marrying him. i do plan on that. i just wish id get it through my thick skull that its not going to fall through. i do have faith that it wont as long as we're both completely committed with everything that we are. i love him with all of my heart. and people need to just realize this. it pisses me off so much that so many people love to critique our relationship and try to bring my confidence down in it. but guess what you wont. mikey and i have this connection, and no matter how hard someone tries to break it...they cant. the only two people that can are us. and i plan on not breaking it. i guess im just realizing, again, that i need to start growing up, taking responsibility, and preparing for the years to come. lovely. im done now. have a goodday. | 
